Six more weeks of winter

Well, it happened. I suppose it was only a matter of time. Given the past history I should've expected it, but I have this annoying habit of trying not to think ill of people. I just generally tend to believe that the people I know are basically good, and that they are trying their best and any mistakes they make are the result of bad circumstances. But sometimes you meet someone who is just sort of incorrigible and never quite fixes their own problems and never quite changes in the ways they need to. And then you have to see their balls.

I got back from my trip to Pasadena this morning, and dropped my crap off at home and went in to work. After a long day I came home at 11ish and saw my housemate and exchanged some smalltalk about my trip. She went to bed almost immediately because she has a fairly normal schedule now. I'm not sure if Boyfriend was already in her bedroom at that point, or if he somehow arrived later after she had gone to bed. Anyway, at about midnight I go downstairs and have a snack and watch an episode of the Simpsons (they'll have to respect me after I get that Harvard diploma!) I turn the lights off and head back upstairs and her bedroom door opens right as I reach the top. This leaves me face-to-face with a completely naked Brazilian man, who is too surprised to react for about 3 seconds.

To be fair, I was too surprised to react either. I was pretty sure that this was not a situation that you can get through by pretending everything's cool and making smalltalk. This would have been especially awkward since he's a chronic hand-shaker... every conversation we've had started with a handshake. I'm no homophobe, but that still doesn't stop me from having a strict "don't touch any naked dudes" rule. Besides, there were no lights on and I'm not gonna risk reaching towards him in the dark...

So, smalltalk is clearly out... maybe I could break the ice with a joke? "How's it hanging?" No, too obvious... and the double meaning might not work for a non-native English speaker. "Cold out tonight, eh?" Nah, he'd probably kick my ass, and I really don't wanna be beaten up by a naked dude. "Oh JP it's you! I didn't recognize your penis without Barbara's mouth on it." Ok ok, too far. Maybe a joke is not the right way to go either.

Luckily I was spared from having to think of an appropriate response because the spell of shock and em-bare-ass-ment broke and he quickly shut the door. In times like this, I call upon my superhuman ability to be good-natured about things. This skill was passed down to me from my parents and from their parents before them. It must be some sort of mid-western thing, but my folks have the ability to put a positive spin on anything if they are sufficiently motivated. This generally occurs when a family member does something shameful and they have to explain the situation to someone else. If, for example, my uncle was arrested for trying to kill himself by auto-erotic asphyxiation, they'd just chuckle and say something like "Well, boys will be boys. We all have our flaws, and I'm sure he learned a valuable lesson." It's like one part denial, one part relentless optimism. Anyway, I too have this power. After Naked Boyfriend covered his shame, I tried my best to think of the whole thing as a funny goof-up and chuckled about it just loud enough that they could probably hear me through the door (but not so loud that he would think I was mocking his junk... that would be a terrible breach of Dude Etiquette).

So, tomorrow will be delightfully awkward, and then I'm sure things will be back to normal. I pray to holy jesus that tonight does not represent the new "normal".